1. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
2. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.
4. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
5. In midevil times most people were aliterate.
6. Joan of Arc was burned to a steak and was connonized by Bernard Shaw.
7. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
8. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
9. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
10. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
11. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
12. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
13. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before the troops they all shouted “hurrah.”
14. Actually Homer was not written by Homer but by another man by that name.
15. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
16. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
17. Miguel Cervantes wrote “Donkey Hote.”
18. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
19. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress.
21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea.
22. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
23. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence.
24. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
25. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
26. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. …The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.